On my way to school this morning, I witnessed this, and if I wasn't running late (as always), I would have pulled over and taken a picture.

A beat up old Saturn was jumping an older Dodge truck.. in the foreground of Ford World Headquarters.

I laughed heartily!

Back to studying for finals!

I'm taking five classes next semester. I'll be at school four days a week, then at work the other 2 and some nights. Someone shoot me.

Man, I'm pretty sure I'm coming down with something bad. I have felt terrible all day and it's just getting worse. It's almost exactly how Brad described his sickness before he got the damn flu. Fffuuuuuucckkkk

I wanted to go on a road trip tomorrow, but after a re-evaluation of funds and the uncertainty that Wednesday is, in fact, pay day, I'm not going to go anymore. Maybe I'll just drive around here for awhile. But I really shouldn't waste the gas, and I should spend more time figuring out a topic for my next paper and getting ahead in a few classes. Meh.

I'm very "meh" today.

I'm needin a change. A big one.

And also to feel better. I don't have time to be sick, and I can't afford to miss work. 

But..! Halloween party Friday and Lions game Sunday. Woohoo :) :)

I thought going to bed early would mean I'd wake up early, not that I'd sleep way longer. Blah. Now I'm time crunched.

AND I woke up with a MONSTER headache, and I'm getting stuffy. Fuuuuuckkkk..

I HAVE to finish this paper, then shower, then HALLOWEEN TIME. Hopefully I can concentrate :(

Also I don't think I could be any more excited for New Moon. LESS THAN ONE MONTH NOW! :D haha

I'm a doooork.
 

I am so burned out right now, it's ridiculous. I'm tired of constantly living under the shadow of a mountain of homework. I'm tired of trying to plan out times to get schoolwork done, then go to work, then come home and finish homework, or finally have half an hour to watch a TV show.. It's just ridiculous. I have to schedule time in the week to watch my Netflix! Come on!

I'm so overwhelmed I can't even focus. Daily meltdowns are becoming the norm.

I don't think school would be this bad for me if I didn't have three jobs and an attempt at a social life (which I've been forced to basically cut out of my life entirely).

Sigh, I'm really stressed and I'm procrastinating by whining in my LJ. Go me.

I am looking forward to: shopping/decorating for Halloween, Halloween Party, New Moon, Thanksgiving football game w/Broseph and Kelsey and ___, and the end of semester. Haha.

I'm having a meltdown and full-on panic attack.

Fuck. My. Life.

The thing I hate most about being back in school is that everytime I find myself just randomly browsing the internet or watching a stupid show, basically just having 'me' time, I feel guilty because I know I should be doing some schoolwork.

Because the schoolwork never ends ;_;

Also I'm getting sick and I don't much care for it!

Okay, so my sociology teacher is an old nutjob, and I have to work two (maybe even three) jobs to get by PLUS go to school full time. I'm already taking (and needing to take) Comp II which will fill up all of my paper-writing time. My sociology teacher was having us write 3 page papers once a week (with little to no guidelines) plus extra 7-8 page papers along the way. I don't have time for that. In fact, going over the syllabus, I was starting to have an anxiety attack.

So I waited all weekend and thought about it and realistically mapped out if I could do it. I could, but it'd be way too fucking much stress ontop of general LIFE plus my teacher was a hippie nut-job old fuck who did nothing but ramble the entire time. SO. This morning I dropped the class.

Yay, I feel better, but now..

Now...

I can't find a fucking class to take in that time slot, or even at all. I've been on the Add/Drop/Search screen for two hours trying to find something, anything, and the best I could find I am on the wait-list for. I have no idea how long this will take.

Now instead of writing a three page paper I'm frantically refreshing the page to see if I'm in a class or not. AND, I think - think - I have to show up for class even if I'm on the wait-list. So. I've got one Internet course and one real life course I'm waiting on after RIPPING MY HAIR OUT trying to fine SOMETHING, ANYTHING to take. Classes started Wednesday why haven't those slackers dropped them yet?!? Come on!

I NEED something to do today to take my mind off of this, because I'm pretty sure I just majorly FUCKED myself and I'm freaking out.

I started school today <33

Comp II will be just fine. We go over revisions more than three times so the chances of bombing one are nil.
Math teacher is dry-humor hilarious. And algebra is E-Z P-Z.
Sociology teacher is old, old man with hearing aid who rambles. A lot. I forsee nap time ahead and frantically writing the most bullshit essays of my life.
Spanish teacher is flightly but nice, and it's way easier than I remember.

Financial Aid can suck it!

Trivia tonight!! Yes <3

Don't worry 'bout one thing
Don't worry 'bout nothing
She said I'm not gonna let this one go
Nobody's on my side
Nobody seems to see
How much, how deep, how far these things can be

My eyes are dry and
I my eyes are dry and
I,I still don't even know you
I,I still wish that I could hold you
I,I sometimes wanna die

And everywhere I go
And everyone I see
Somehow almost sets me free
And the space where we meet
Is diferent from the rest
And I just can't seem to forget that

My eyes are dry and
I,I still don't even know you
I,I still wish that I could hold you
I,I sometimes wanna die
I, sometimes wanna die
I sometimes wanna

And you were the start
And now your the end
And you left me with nothing to defend
I need the voice of a good friend

can't stop myself from laughing
No matter how sad these things can be
These things can be

my eyes are dry and
I,I still don't even know you
I,I still wish that I could hold you
I,I sometimes wanna die

I can't stop thinkin'
Thinking 'bout sinkin'
Sinkin' down into my bed
I call my mother
She's just a cunt now
She said I'm sick in the head
She said you ain't special
So who you foolin'
Don't try ta give me a line
But I can't stop thinkin' 'bout
seein' ya one more time
(Oh no)
But I already left you
And you're better off left behind


It's a bad obsession
It's always messin'
It's always messin' my mind
It's a bad obsession
It's always messin'
It's always messin' my mind


Too bad you're fucked up


I used to be wasted
Always tried to take it
Take it down into my vein
I call the doctor
He's just another
He said I'm sick in the brain
He said you ain't special
So who you foolin'
Don't try ta give me a line
But I can't stop thinkin' 'bout
doin' it one more time
(Oh no)
But I already left you
And you're better off left behind
(Oh yeah)


Aw it's a bad obsession
It's always messin'
It's always messin' my mind
It's a bad obsession
It's always messin'
It's always messin' my mind


So bad...


Boy


It's a
It's a
Heads up
It's a bad obsession
It's always messin'
It's always messin' my mind
Now it's a bad obsession
It's always messin'
It's always messin' my mind


But I can't stop thinkin' 'bout
doin' it one more time
(Oh no)
See I already left you
And you're better off left behind
(Oh no, oh no)
It's a bad obsession
And you're always messin' my mind
See I already left you
And you're better off left behind
Uh huh...no


Maybe you'll do better next time
PUNK!!


Maria <3's Guns n' Roses, loud as hell, on a Wednesday afternoon (It's Wednesday, right?). This song rocks my socks. (I'm not wearing socks). So does this one:


Diamonds and fast cars
Money to burn
I got my head in the clouds
I got these thoughts to churn
Got my feet in the sand
I got a house on the hill
I got a headache like a mother
Twice the price of my thrills
An it's a cold day, it's a continental drift
I said this traffic is hell
Can you give me a lift
An I'll try to paint a story
Got your pictures to tell
Yeah you got to make a living
With what you bring yourself to sell


I got some genuine
Imitation
Bad Apples
Free sample
For your peace o' mind
Only $9.95
I got my camera back from customs
Got my law fees up to date
Hell they musta seen me comin'
Ain't this life so fuckin' great


When the shit hit the fan
It was all I could stand
Yeah, well I'm a frequent flyer
My body's breathing while it can
But what I don't understand is that
My world ain't gettin' no brighter
If I could touch the sky
Well I would float on by
While everybody's talkin'
Hell I'm just another guy
If it were up to me
I'd say just leave me be
Why let one bad apple
Spoil the whole damn bunch


Gold and caviar
Now why'nt you pour my apathy
I'd have all my bases covered
If I could teach my hands to see
But now we're down in the deep end
Where they'd love to watch you drown
I said your laundry could use washing
We'll hang it up all over town
I said Hollywood's like a dryer
An we're down on Sunset Strip
An you'll be suckin' down the Clorox
'Til your life's all nice and crisp


When the shit hit the fan
It was all I could stand
Yeah, well I'm a frequent flyer
My body's breathing while it can
But what I don't understand is that
My world ain't gettin' no brighter
If I could touch the sky
Well I would float on by
While everybody's talkin'
Hell I'm just another guy
If it were up to me
I'd say just leave me be
Why let one bad apple
Spoil the whole damn bunch


When the shit hit the fan
It was all I could stand
Yeah, well I'm a frequent flyer
My body's breathing while it can
But what I don't understand is that
My world ain't gettin' no brighter
If I could touch the sky
Well I would float on by
While everybody's talkin'
Hell I'm just another guy
If it were up to me
I'd say just leave me be
Why let one bad apple
Spoil the whole damn bunch
Why let one bad apple
Spoil the whole damn bunch
Boy!!


lol @ long, irritating entry on friend's pages. sorry guys.

So let's recap the polar opposite days I've had:

Yesterday:
-Slightly late to work Meals
-Meals car stalled out on me
-Could not run because Kelly called off work
-Tried on my dress for the wedding, it fit; the zipper is sewn wrong and it bubbles out on my hip like mad and there's no way to fix it.
-Try on a few dresses, get stuck wearing an old red one, but none of my shoes are quite right for it.
-Rip tooling on red dress in the back. Luckily you can't tell, but I sure can.
-Go shoe shopping. Try Payless, find shoes I love, not in my size. Try Shoe Carnival, find perfect shoes, not in my size, try Kohls.. Find PERFECT shoes, drop one on my foot which results in an immediate bruise.
-PERFECT shoes have a defect, show defect to customer service and they call shoe man. Shoe man says it can't be fixed and they can't be sold because they need to be sent back to the distributor (side note: Stores do this because they get full retail price back for them, instead of just getting the $20 I would have paid them for the shoes).
-Try on new dresses, maybe one will work? No. One I like a lot is coming apart on the strap and on the zipper seam.
-Spot where I dropped shoe continues to be swollen and gets very, very, very painful.
-Boss yells at me and is a huge bitch for Friday/Saturday. Solid chance I'm getting fired because I'm going to need to call off two days in a row. Try contacting everyone I can that I work with, no one can cover either shift.
-Bank account is going to dip below $75 this month :/
-Have to return Salla's shoes, and instead of following my gut and just using cash when I bought them, I put them on my card so now I have to go back and do the run around with it.
-Was woken up several times through the night because of the pain in my likely cracked or fractured toe.

But it all worked out because Jim bought me and Nut beers and a snack <3

Today:
-Got through Meals 30 minutes faster than normal
-Last day of doing Meals
-Icing my toe is helping
-Got my student ID for school
-Got my parking pass for school
-Found all my books very quickly at the bookstore, made it home from U of M in 22 minutes
-Ordered all but one workbook from half.com, saving me $600 on books! booya
-Tentative plans to go to Drinks later w/Jim and Nut and her friend. Good times ahead?

After the big salad I just ate, I'm ready for a nap... I think I'll do that.

What a dumb entry!

i feel really stupid for thinking anyone could like me more than just a drinking friend. i have absolutely nothing to offer, who the hell am i fooling?

and i have a migraine the size of texas. good luck sleeping tonight. not..

I'm a wreck. I don't trust anyone.

I'm so, so upset. And angry! I knew I should have trusted my gut and I went against it, like an idiot.

So I smoked half a pack of cigarettes and drank a whole whole lot, and proved to myself that my gut feeling was true.


Fuck you guys. We are no longer friends.

I finally did what I've been kicking myself to do for the past few years - I went through all the headaches and all the bullshit and I'm enrolled in school full time for the Fall <3 <3 <3

With no help from anyone! Thanks parents!

All I have to do is sit and wait until the beginning of September when my Financial Aid comes in so I can spend $769 on books -_- . Considering half.com but that would involve a high balance sitting on my credit card for a month... and with my luck something will go wrong with financial aid and I'll get stuck with it myself. But really? $769? That's stupid, school.

But I actually did it <3 and I traveled, and so most of my goals for '09 are coming to fruition and that makes me happier than a fat kid at an ice-cream buffet <3333

If only I could lose these 15 pounds... Things would be perfect!

Lovestoned.

Seriously, the past few weeks? What a fucking mess.

A damn mess.

sigh.

I haven't had a good nights rest in what feels like weeks. I toss and turn and wake up every other hour all contorted with my back aching. I dream bad dreams.. Nothing demonic or totally freaky, just bad shit happening to me. Every night. And it's getting damn old. I wake up feeling just as tired as I did when I went to bed in the first place. I'm in zombie mode all day and nothing's really wrong, I'm not depressed or anything like that, just irritated that I can't sleep. And the uneasy, terrible feelings I get from my stupid dreams carries though the day. It's so odd. I hate it.

Life's okay. I'm looking into a diet plan to hopefully lose my depression pounds by the end of the summer. I wish my ankle didn't hurt so much, it really limits my activities. Blah! Time to go bury myself in Astronomy homework.


Go Wings!